Life on Spend-a-Buck Farm

by Michelle on May 22, 2011

This is a very difficult time for me and I’m not sure how to put my feelings into words just yet.

My husband, Joe, suddenly passed away, May 18th at around 12:00 noon. I’ve written about Joe often over the past three years and most will recognize him by his pet name, Mr. Tastebuds. We were married 27 years and even though I’ve always considered myself a very independent person, I did not know just how dependent I was on Joe until yesterday. And it’s not the big things like paying the mortgage! It’s the little things like who brings in the mail and makes the morning coffee.

I’ve cried until I have no more tears but it does not make the hole in my life and heart any smaller. I was not ready to give him up just yet…not ready at all. I have my family and my friends but I don’t think I have ever felt as alone as I do right now. As my yahrtzeit candle burns and finally flickers out at the end of day seven, I doubt my tears will stop.

And of course Joe is everywhere in our home. I’ve found that if I stay in my office, I am somewhat isolated and I can get some things done without breaking down. But as soon as I walk out my office door, I am surrounded with memories. From his jacket hanging on the back of the kitchen chair to the magazine folded open to the last article he read and his glasses carefully placed to the side. Joe is not only in my heart and mind, he is everywhere I turn or glance. And I am not ready to put these tangible memories away. People tell me to take my time and there will come a day when I can let go, but I don’t think I want that day to come. I don’t want to let go of my husband.

You all know that both Joe and I are huge Rottweiler lovers and even the dogs are sensing a loss. Although Eva, our youngest female Rottweiler, is very bonded to me and rarely leaves my side, this morning I found Eva, all alone, curled up in Joe’s bathroom. She has never laid down in Joe’s bathroom before, not ever. It broke my heart.

I’ve made 100s of decisions in the last few days and I am facing 1000s more in the next few months. As to what I will be doing next year or even tomorrow, I don’t have a clue.

At this point I’ve decided to put my blog on hiatus. I’m not sure how long I will be gone or even if I will ever be back food blogging again. But I want to thank each and every one of you for taking the time to visit my blog. And to our special friends, you all know who you are, please stop every once in a while and think of Joe and I. And I promise I will feel the hug, I always do!

Take care,

Michelle

PS: It was very difficult for me to write this post. It just makes Joe’s death so real. I am having a horrible time just getting my own head around what happened so if I don’t respond to your comments and emails, please understand that I just can’t right now. I just can’t.

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Comments

  • Deb May 22, 2011 at 11:29 am

    Michelle,

    I am so sad for you right now and wish I had some magic words that would ease your pain, but there are none. I’ve followed your blog for a few months and used many of your recipe and enjoyed descriptions of life on your farm, your dogs, and your husband.

    May God be with you at this time and I do hope you update your blog when you feel you can.

    ((Hugs))

    Deb

  • Lori E May 22, 2011 at 11:29 am

    Oh Michelle. I wish I could give you a big hug. I am so sorry for your loss. The tears will have to come out, don’t try to stop them. You will cry until you think you have no more tears and then you will find some more.
    We will hopefully see you back one day, in your own time, in your own way. Take care my blog friend and know that so many people will be thinking of you.
    Hugs.
    Lori

  • Janet Rudolph @ DyingforChocolate May 22, 2011 at 11:38 am

    Oh, Michelle, I’m so sorry. My heart and sympathy goes out to you at this time. I follow your blog, and you’ve given me advice for my own dog..not to mention food news. Sending you hugs at this hard time.

  • Daisy May 22, 2011 at 11:54 am

    I wish I lived closer so I could hug you in person. Know that my heart goes out to you. Take care of yourself; Mr. Tastebuds would want you to be healthy and eventually, happy.

  • Cathy (breadexperience) May 22, 2011 at 11:57 am

    Michelle, I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart and prayers go out to you in this difficult time. You’ve been such a good friend and mentor in the HBinFive Baking Group. We’ll miss you, but you take care of yourself. May God give you peace and rest.

  • Jo May 22, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    I am so very sorry for your loss and want you to know I hold you in my heart and send you good thoughts. Please be easy with yourself. Hugs.

  • Doreen May 22, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    Michelle – I wish I lived nearby so I could come sit with you and give you a great big hug. I can only imagine how you are feeling and am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers – and I hope that you will be back blogging again – I will miss you … take the time that you need … it’s too soon right now – but please take care of yourself and get back to doing some of the things that you enjoy …

  • Lisa@ The Cutting Edge of Ordinary May 22, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    I know there is nothing that anyone can do or say to ease you pain. I’m so deeply sorry for your loss. Take care of you.

  • Chris at Hye Thyme Cafe May 22, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    So sorry to hear of your loss, especially when it was unexpected. There’s never a good way to prepare for something like that, but it’s at least a little easier when you know it’s coming. I can’t even begin to imagine what it would mean to lose a spouse (or a child), but of course I have lost others in my life. For some reason, 2007 was especially bad for me. It seemed like I was losing someone every few weeks. My Dad was one of them. That was the hardest by far. Then there was our family dog, who was with us for 19 years. To this day, I have one of my Dad’s shirt’s hanging on a peg, and on the floor below it are two of Tyler’s favorite dog toys. It seems silly after all this time to have them there, but they bring me comfort. I hope you can find some small way to do the same. Maybe having Mr. Tastebud’s newspaper and glasses on the nightstand, just as a reminder that he’s always with you. Sending hugs and warm wishes your way.

  • Margaret May 22, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    I have you in my heart and mind as I know just about what you are going through (because I almost lost Bill a few weeks ago). We are all there for you and will be as long as you need us. Please know my Prayers are with you daily. Take your time. Do what is right for you.

    We look forward to the day you decide to come back and blog with us. Until then you will be missed, Michelle.

  • Renee (Kudos Kitchen) May 22, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    I am sending you my heartfelt sympathy and love Michelle. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  • Nutmeg Nanny May 22, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    I’m so sorry…I’m sending love to you and your family.

  • Sue May 22, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    Oh, my heart breaks for your great loss. May you feel heavenly comfort, and also find a measure of comfort from friends, family and your sweet pups. Grieving is a long process. Take care.

  • My Carolina Kitchen May 22, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    Michelle,
    My heart goes out to you. I have no idea how you found the courage to write this post. My husband (of almost 42 years) and I are practically “joined at the hip.” I think I might cease to function without him. Most important, take care of yourself. It’s hard for us to put ourselves first, but it’s important right now. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. God bless.
    Much love and many hugs,
    Sam

  • Leslie May 22, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    Oh Michelle, my heart aches for you. May you feel Joe’s love in your memories and may the wonderful life you shared comfort you. Many hugs.

  • Winnie May 22, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    Oh, M. I am so sorry. Sending you my love during this difficult time.

  • Jill May 22, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    Oh Michelle, I am so sorry to hear your news. I don’t know how you were able to write this post. I know your dogs will comfort you, and you will comfort them during this sad time. I very much hope to see you blogging again someday when you’re ready. Take care of yourself.

  • kat May 22, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    Oh no, I’m so sorry. It must be such a hard time for you, glad you have the dogs & friends & family around. Sending you lots of good thoughts.

  • Aparna May 22, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    Dear Michelle, I’m so sorry to hear the news. Do remember that though many of us may not know you very personally we are all here for you in whatever way we can be. My thoughts and prayers are with you always.
    They do say that things get a little easier with time and it is probably true that the pain eventually eases. Michelle, you don’t ever have to let go of your husband as he will always be with you in your heart and memories.
    Take care of yourself and hugs – Aparna

  • Marnie May 22, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    Oh, Michelle, I’m so very sorry. Words are so inadequate at times like this. My heart is aching for you. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. We’ll all miss your wisdom, wit and knowledge- your blog is a staple in many of our days. Thank you for all you’ve shared and, when you’re ready, we’ll be here to welcome you back. God bless, dear friend, and much love. ((hugs))

  • Cheryl McClure May 22, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    Oh, Michelle…………. I feel so for you. I haven’t been on the food blogs much the past year. I so enjoyed all your posts, recipes and comments on your life there at the farm. I’m sending all my hugs to you whenever you need them. Much love. Cheryl

  • Renée J. (RJ Flamingo) May 22, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    Michelle – I can’t even begin to say how sorry I am for your loss. I am in tears, myself, as I write this. Sending you many {{hugs}}. You’ll never get over it, but there will come a time that, when you think of Joe, the thought will be comforting rather than painful. Come back to us when you can. I’m always just a click away if there’s anything I can ever do for you. xox

  • Marigene May 22, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    Michelle, no amount of words can tell you how sorry I am for your loss…please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care, my friend.

  • Ria May 22, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    Dearest Michelle, I dropped by to see if things were OK with you because there was no response on our latest conversation on FB. I am so shocked to read this today…I really don’t know what to say. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers! Hugs!

  • Christy Martin May 22, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    So sorry Michelle….

  • Janet May 22, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    My deepest sympathy – it is hard to imagine life without Mr. Tastebuds but he will be with you each and everyday in your heart and your memories.

  • Kathleen May 22, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    I am so very sorry to read this Michelle! there is nothing I can say to ease your pain! I will keep you in my prayers. It is so very sad.

  • kendra May 22, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Dear Michelle,
    I am so sorry for your loss….You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  • Danielle May 22, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    Michelle….this breaks my heart for you. I’ve sent you an email and you know how to reach me. I’m here for you if /when needed. {{{{{{hugs and prayers}}}}}}

  • Michelle May 22, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    I’m so very sorry for your loss.

  • Cheryl B. May 22, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    Still praying!!!
    Brain had said he’d be home by 3 today, at quarter to 5 I called him, while praying for you!!!
    Hugs my friend!

  • deb May 22, 2011 at 9:45 pm

    I am sorry. I know you need some healing time and I understand. I lost my husband 2 yrs ago and its still hard to comprehend. I was blindsided and I am not sure how I struggled through that first year….its hard but remembering my husband often helped me to know how to deal with all the first things I had to do on my own. I was with him 25 yrs and we clicked. Now I always talk with him in my mind in how he might of helped solve problems I deal with now….it helps. I still cry a million tears and its Ok..

  • Brenda May 23, 2011 at 6:18 am

    I am so very sorry. I will keep you in my prayers.

  • Barbara May 23, 2011 at 6:20 am

    Dear Michelle ~ My heart breaks for you and those you love ~ someday, a long time from now, please come back to us ~ we’ll be waiting.

  • Lynda May 23, 2011 at 6:48 am

    I am so sorry and my prayers are with you. I’m also sending you a hug. Know you are loved and we are there for you.

  • Elsie May 23, 2011 at 6:55 am

    Dearest Michelle…I have been stopping by your blog for a couple years now and thoroughly enjoy it. I love reading it; I have enjoyed your recipes, hearing of Mr Tastebuds and also enjoy your pics now and then of your Rottweiler’s. I am so saddened to hear of your husband Joe passing away. I am so sorry, you are in my thoughts and prayers…you have my deepest sympathy.
    I will continue to check back on your blog, going over old posts and hoping you do return. I wish you peace and comfort my friend…always. Take care.

    Elsie

  • Kat May 23, 2011 at 7:28 am

    I don’t know what to say to you that hasn’t already been said. If you just need to write your feelings of the moment, you have my email. I will be there for you. This is so sad.

  • Rebecca May 23, 2011 at 7:44 am

    As others have said, I so wish I lived near you so I could give you hugs and bake you bread and do the chores… Don’t let anyone rush you in your grief. Cry as you need to, reach out to your friends and family, love your dogs, don’t feel guilty if you find a moment of pleasure in a week or a month — nothing you do will be wrong, and when you’re ready to return to us here, we’ll be waiting. Take care…

  • Carolyn May 23, 2011 at 7:45 am

    Hugs to you and your family Michelle, keep remembering the happy times and even if it makes you cry the pain will soften in time. You have brought such enjoyment to me with your cooking and posting of your families ratings and like the others I feel very helpless and wish I could give your some comfort at this time.

  • Amy May 23, 2011 at 8:35 am

    I am so so sorry for your loss…I don’t know you but I’ve enjoyed your reading your blog and have a vision in my head of what your home and farm is like and I can only imagine how sad and lonely you must be feeling…I hope someday it will be a place of joy for you again.

  • Melanie May 23, 2011 at 10:56 am

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I was shocked. I wish there was something I could do or say to make it all better. You and your family are in our prayers.

  • natalie (the sweets life) May 23, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    I am so very incredibly sorry! Praying for you!

  • Angie May 23, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    WOW!! I am so terribly sorry for your loss! I remember loosing my dad suddenly and I clearly remember how hard it was for my mom. They had been together for over 40 years. But I also clearly remember that the time came when my mom could think about him and smile. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • patsyk May 23, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    I have only gotten to know your blog the last few months and when I stopped by this evening my heart fell as I read your post. I can’t say anything that hasn’t already been said, but I can offer you virtual hugs and will keep you in my prayers.

  • ShelleyBakes May 24, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    I just saw this post and I’m so sorry to hear about Joe. You are in my thoughts. Hugs.

  • Kate May 24, 2011 at 9:56 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss.

  • katrina May 25, 2011 at 6:28 am

    Oh, Michelle – what a shocker. I’m so, so sorry. Sending you and the dogs enormous hugs and good vibes and prayers. Love, as ever
    Katrina

  • Peppi K. May 25, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    Michelle, I am so very sorry for the loss. May you find peace and comfort in your memories of your DH.

  • Bonnie May 25, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    Praying that God will hold you close and comfort you in your loss.

  • Jane May 25, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    All of us feal so sad for your loss. May you find love in your memories of your hubbie! GOD BLESS!

  • Carroll May 26, 2011 at 3:08 am

    Michelle,

    I am so sorry to hear the sad news about Mr Tastebuds. I hope the knowledge that your e-friends are thinking of you will help a little.

    HUGGZZZZZZZZZZZ to you and nice pats to the Rotties.

    I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but it really DOES get easier eventually to bear the loss.

  • Nia May 26, 2011 at 10:51 pm

    I am new to your site but reading this, tears rolled down my face as my heart breaks for your sad and sudden loss. I pray that God will bring you a measure of comfort and you are able to accept His comfort.

  • ryan May 27, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear of your loss Michelle, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I know, through reading your blog, you are a good person who deserves to be happy and through time you will be happy again. Of that I’m sure, take care hugs.ryan

  • Jenny May 29, 2011 at 7:41 am

    I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine. I only wish there were words I could type to take this pain away. Thank you for letting us know and for the gift of your words.
    Sending cyber-hugs your way. You will be in my prayers.

  • Cookin' Canuck May 31, 2011 at 9:54 pm

    Oh Michelle, I am so sorry. I know there is nothing I can say to ease your pain, so please just know that I am thinking of you.

  • Tracy May 31, 2011 at 11:01 pm

    Oh Michelle…my heart breaks for you, and I’m so very sorry for your loss. I know there is nothing I can say to make it better. I am thinking of and praying for you during this most difficult time. Sending lots of love to you.

  • Mary Ann June 3, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    Michelle, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope your puppies will bring you some peace.

  • Kristen June 3, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    I’m sorry I am so late in sending you this comment, but I just want to say how sorry I am about your husband. I can’t imagine the pain and heartache you are feeling. Prayers, love and hugs to you…

  • Lisa June 4, 2011 at 7:28 am

    Michelle, I am so very sorry to hear this sad news about your husband Joe. I am thinking of you and sending you and your sweet dogs big hugs.

  • rebecca June 7, 2011 at 10:24 pm

    hugs and prayers thinking of you often

  • Shirley Corwin June 10, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    I’m so sorry Michelle. I lost my husband a little over 5 years ago. Things change forever in some ways but after a time, your life will become peaceful again and life does keep going on. Thinking of you.

  • Nancy June 11, 2011 at 11:20 am

    Michelle, I am so sorry. I haven’t visited in awhile because we moved from the east coast to the west coast. It happens that the house we rent for now has a phenomenal cook’s kitchen. I think of you often as I am cooking because I remember your kitchen posts. The Big Black Dog and family have been an inspiration. Thank you.

  • Monique June 13, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    For some reason we lost touch..I don’t know how I came to here..

    But ..I did.. and wanted to offer you my sincere sympathies..so sorry for you.

    I wonder how you are..
    How I wonder how you are..

    Monique

  • Mike June 14, 2011 at 11:05 pm

    My heart feels for you. We don’t know each other, I stumbled upon your blog just now from the article written about your beautiful home on “Front Porch Ideas and More.” I think it’s amazing and all that you do around the home with gardening and food. I remember when my grandmother passed away, it was very difficult for my grandpa. He had never lived on his own. When they got married he still lived at home and they lived there for a while. They had been married almost 50 years and he had never lived a day in his life alone. A year later he remarried… he needed someone around and that’s ok. I don’t believe for a second he loves my grandmother any less. It’s just how he can cope. Me, I keep things around my place to remind me of the one’s I’ve lost. Especially photos around the place and whole albums. As time goes on it gets easier to look at them and they help. It helps to get caught up in the memories of the good times, or to look at and touch an object and “go back.” It hurts but it feels good too. And that’s better than just hurting which is what we can do when we just sit there in our own minds. Hmm, I didn’t expect at all to write this and not sure why I did. I guess I just wish you didn’t have to feel that way. The point being, do whatever you have to do to make yourself feel better and get going again. Those who love you will understand… they know you deserve it. Take care.

  • Sylvia June 19, 2011 at 7:38 am

    (((((Michelle))))), I am so sorry for your loss. As others have said, I wish I had words to take the pain away. It’s a hard walk you have ahead of you. This year will be 15 yrs since my husband passed away suddenly. I hadn’t realized how much I depended on him. Not so much the physical things, it was the emotional support. learning to be alone for the first time in my life was very hard. I had read that when you have a loss, you shouldn’t do anything drastic for at least a year. Remember to take care of you. Remember to eat daily, take walks, cry, eat, cry some more. Sometimes writing helps (in a private journal) I wrote poetry and poured feelings out on paper, you’ll find what works best for you… You cannot cry forever, and I believe it is a way of healing. I hope you have family and friends who are there for you, and just listen as you pour your pain out. Support is important. Everyone grieves in their own way and time. One step at a time, then one day at a time, sometimes you go backwards, then again forward. Just remember to take care of you.

  • Elizabeth Allen June 24, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    I know what it’s like to lose your husband to death. If two people get divorced they often split with harsh, or at best mixed feelings, and they just want it all to stop. When you lose the other person to death your life keeps going with your heart longing for them to come home and you never wanted it to stop. It takes time- the saying about Time healing all wounds is completely true, after twenty-two years, but it is still a wound and a part of your life that you will always have in memories now and many of them the best memories of your entire life. Remember the good times, reflect on the hard times, just so you won’t make those same mistakes in the future because- YES, you still have a future even though it may not be something you have come to realize, that is the hardest part- when you get to the get-on-with-your-life phase. It won’t be the same, but it is still your life and the obvious is- Joe would truly love to see you happy still! So as life does move forward- take the happiness from the past with you into the future and don’t push yourself to hard- It does take time to decide how to proceed, that comes with Time. You still have a minimum of one year before you’ll even come out of the fog of the devastating loss, so expect a lot of feelings and changes in your feelings- this will be more challenging to be alone for awhile than it was to adjust to a permanent partner’s habits and nuances – and make sure you do keep this time for healing from the loss. My heart is with you and I know you will find Time your best Friend during this process. Take care and Take time. My Condolences to You and your Family during this Time of Loss.

  • samantha f. June 24, 2011 at 8:50 pm

    Dearest Michelle,

    I am so very very sorry to hear of your wonderful husband’s passing. My heart is with you. May you have the strength you need from family and friends to help you through this time.

    I wish there was something I could do to help ease this pain. Just know there are tons of people wishing you well from afar.

    Sincerely,
    Samantha

  • Velva June 25, 2011 at 10:27 pm

    Michelle, I am so very sorry. There is nothing I can say that will make you feel better. Just know that my deepest sympathy is with you, during this very difficult time.
    Take care of yourself. If you should choose to return to blogging in the future, your blogging community will be here for you.

    Velva

  • Julie June 26, 2011 at 11:27 pm

    I just came across this post and just wanted to let you know that I’m so very sorry. Words are inadequate. Sending up prayers for you and your family.

  • Biz June 29, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    Michelle! Since starting a new job in April my blog reading has come to a screeching halt. I AM SO SORRY I didn’t stop by sooner with condolences. I work in South Barrington now, but if you want to get together I’d be happy to meet for lunch. Just email me at mybizzykitchen@gmail.com – hugs!!

  • [...] is Michelle of Big Black Dogs – she made the most delicious artisan breads, jams, jellies and other canned goodies.  She actually [...]

  • Jenn@slim-shoppin July 1, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    So sorry for your loss! It’s always horrible when it’s so sudden like that – like a rug pulled out from under you. I will keep you in my thoughts as you get through this tough time

  • Caroline Asher July 1, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    Love your blogs. So very sorry to hear of your tragicic loss. Remember the good and beautiful things. Remember healing takes time and Mr Tastebuds is with you. Have enjoyed all your posts. Take the time you need

  • Kathleen July 1, 2011 at 9:24 pm

    Just stopping by to say I have been thinking of you, and you are in my prayers.
    K

  • Angie @ Losing It and Loving It July 1, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    Michelle, just came across this blog post (and your blog). I am so sorry for your loss and hope you are OK. I’m not too far from Biz, maybe we could all do lunch sometime. Sending hugs your way. I cannot even imagine.

  • Crystal July 4, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    I came across your blog a while ago when I was browsing the internet for cupcake recipes. I just came back to look for more recipes. The recipes from people who actually cook them all the time, are the best! Anyways, I happened to read you last blog entry. I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my mother when I was 13 years old. It was and still is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. I probably don’t know exactly how you are feeling, as the relationship between a parent and a significant other are different. I will share with you something that was the only thing that helped me get through it, and continues to help me live daily without her death being the only thing I can think of. That is, I thought of my mom, and how awful she would feel that I was feeling so awful and couldn’t go on with life. I had to learn to live without her for her. She wouldn’t want me to be sad all the time. It takes time to get used to them not being there, but he ALWAYS will be with you. You are what has to make his spirit live on. He wouldn’t want you to stop anything because of him. He is not physically with you, but his love is with you forever. It takes time to get used to the different dynamic of life. I am still not over it. I never will be, and you never will be. I still cry every now and then. I also think of the person she was and how grateful I am to have had her as my mother at all and knowing that there is nothing that can hurt her or take her away from me any longer is strangely a relief. Good luck. Please don’t stop your cooking.

  • Shelby July 10, 2011 at 10:40 am

    I came here today because I was wondering about you – I hadn’t seen any stumbles coming from you and it seemed strange. So, I thought I would come by and see what you were blogging….and it broke my heart. I am so sorry you lost your soul mate. I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you. I hope that someday you can come back here because you have a wonderful place and friends from all over who love you!

  • mary July 10, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    Very very sorry for your loss….meant to convey my feelings earlier, life had other plans, there are no words to say to convey loss to a person who loses the love of their life, I am praying you will be healed in your journey of grief, loss…it takes I am told a long long long time…may God help you in this journey..I am praying for you and sending out love and prayers daily..mary

  • Brewed Coffee July 10, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    Oh Michelle, am so sorry to hear about your loss. I have been out of my online activities since late April, so it’s only now that I got to read this post. This goes right through the heart and it somehow gave me a glimpse of how my mom must have felt when my dad passed away some years ago. All wounds heal, dear friend…but some do leave deep scars to remind us…It may sound cliche but life does go on…and I know that Mr. Tastebuds would like to see you still enjoying life even if he’s not with you anymore, physically that is. Take care and hope to see you around here again..do not give up on the things you love to do…

  • Marnie July 12, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    Michelle, Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you today. ((hugs))

  • mary July 12, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    May god bless your heart and soul, the loss of one’s husband and life partner is actually I think the hardest thing to bear…I know God will guide you and hold you in his hands, my prayers for you and all the best, thinking of you daily..mary

  • Doreen, Houston, MN July 15, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    You have been “on my heart” and thought I would let you know you are still in my prayers. Sending a quiet hug your way.

  • Donalyn July 22, 2011 at 7:16 am

    Michelle – I am so sorry to hear of your husband’s passing. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you. You will be in my prayers. -Donalyn

  • sam (temptingsam} July 23, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    Just popped by to tell you I’m thinking of you. Sending love and strength your way. <3

  • Kathleen July 25, 2011 at 10:44 am

    Just stopping in to say hello. I hope you got my note, it got returned once.
    Prayers,
    Kathleen

  • shelia July 25, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    Oh, Michelle! I’m so very sorry to hear this. You will be in my prayers. My heart just breaks for you.
    Blessings,
    Shelia ;)

  • Biz July 26, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    Just wanted to say hello Michelle and send you some virtual hugs!

    Biz

  • annie364 July 31, 2011 at 6:43 am

    Hi Michelle, I missed you on SU and came to your blog to see if everything was OK. Coincidentally I came across a blog today-which is written by a lady who also recently lost her husband and is feeling the same pain that you must be going through. It sounds lame now that I write it down but I thought that maybe it would help you to contact her. love and hugs, Annie

  • Coco Cooks August 27, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    Michelle,
    Just want you to know I’m
    here for you. Hugs.

  • Andrea Meyers September 1, 2011 at 8:05 am

    Michelle, I’m so sorry to read this news. I hope things are going better for you. Take care.

  • Arlene Zayne-Hopkins September 7, 2011 at 9:54 pm

    Oh Michelle…I just came across your jalapeno/cheese cookie recipe today and emailed it to my best foodie friends, then i went to check out more of your website and I have tears in my eyes. This is exactly what makes me most afraid in my life…if my soul mate leaves unexpectedly. There before the grace of God go I. It could so easily be me. I’m sooo sorry and send you warm hugs from a total stranger. Your post just touches my heart. Be well and at peace.

  • Kelly September 13, 2011 at 11:54 am

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. I saw you back on twitter and wanted to offer my condolences. Please take care.

  • Susan September 15, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    Dear Michelle, sending lots of peaceful thoughts your way and I hope you are doing alright. I am truly sorry for your loss. I was just going over some of my old HBin5 recipes and thought of you.

  • Bron Marshall September 28, 2011 at 1:44 am

    Oh Michelle, I’ve only just caught up on your terrible loss. There are no words to describe how very very sorry I am, I can’t imagine the pain you have been through and continue to feel with this gaping big hole. It seems so insignificant to say, but I’m sending you many many sunny hugs. xoxox

  • L September 28, 2011 at 11:19 am

    I just found your blog today and my heart aches for you. My dear friend lost her husband suddenly in December and our hearts are not the same. I don’t know if you will ever see this but just know that my heart is with you and anyone else who has been through this. Your husband, along with her’s, will always hold a special place in my heart and be forever missed.

  • Indri October 2, 2011 at 11:03 pm

    Dear Michelle,
    Nitty-gritty of everyday life often gives me less than enough time to keep up with my cyber life, and I just found your post about your husband.. and my heart goes to you..
    I’ve been living with my mother-in-law since my father-in-law became very ill, and it has now been two years, since he passed away. There will be time when the memory of good times comes to stay in your mind. For now, please consider you are hugged, every time you need a hug from a friend..

  • teresa October 3, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    michelle, for some reason i had not caught your feed in time and just read the news. i am so very late, but i still want you to know how very very sorry i am. i hope the past few months have offered support and comfort. i’ll be thinking about you, as i’m sure so many of us are.

  • Leyla Sheehan-Gruarin October 17, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    My prayers dear lady. Despite this tragedy, you are one of the lucky ones—-you seem to have had a good man and a good marriage. Somewhat of a miracle these days. Makes the loss harder but the memories sweeter. Take care friend.

  • Sheila November 6, 2011 at 12:06 am

    Michelle, my blogging has been so sporadic these last six months that I am IN SHOCK to read this. Oh, I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am. I had a close friend die during that same time frame, then I was sick, then Mr. Magpie had kidney stones and a procedure, and then Adelaide died. I have been blogging sporadically as a consqequence. But I wish SO much I had known this.

    Please know I am sending my deepest sympathy along with my love across the miles to you. I have you in my prayers, Michelle.

    Much, much love…

    XO,

    Sheila

  • Cassie November 30, 2011 at 10:09 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I found your site by accident and am brokenhearted for you.

  • Doreen, Houston, MN January 6, 2012 at 9:48 am

    Michelle, Since that day, back in May, when I “accidentally” came across your heart breaking post, you have been heavy on my heart. When I come to your site ‘bookmark’ I am reminded how brief our stay here is and to treasure each second we are gifted. Continuing in prayer for you and sending hugs your direction from S.E. MN.

  • Kelly January 9, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    I just stumbled on your blog today, and can honestly say your last post broke my heart. I can’t imagine what you are going through–even now 8 months later. I’ve been married for 26 years and can’t imagine my life without my husband. Sending you hugs and good thoughts.

  • Curtains in my tree January 18, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    My sister just went through this same thing her husband died of a heart attach at age 43

    the entire family has been so worried about her.
    she has completely re modeled her entire inside of the house, said things were to painful to look at . they had just bought all new living room furniture, Lonny picked it out so she got rid of it because it was to painful to sit on. She has all new carpet paint in every room, all their old furniture is gone. At once she was going to sell the house , but it’s paid for and real estate is not selling in her little town.
    It’s been hard on Lonny’s dog also, Gus was very sad several months, it has been 16 months now
    she finally can laugh about something and feels quilty about smiling after being sad for so long

    He played in a band and she doesn’t listen to music any more , she has put all his guitars in the attic and gave one away . You can’t tell he ever lived in the house
    my sister said this is the only way she can stand to live in the house the pain is over wheleming she said

    I hope in time you can enjpy your life again

  • Curtains in my tree January 18, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    ps they were married 22 years

  • Fashionista Era January 22, 2012 at 8:30 am

    So sorry to hear abt this loss. My condolences and strength to you to cope for your loss. Bless you Hanz.

  • Michele January 23, 2012 at 11:31 pm

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I am sure it’s still incredibly awful, but at some point the memories will turn to smiles instead of tears. Until then, get through however you can- your beloved blessings with four legs, speaking with your husband (I am sure he is still near) and faith.

  • Catherine January 29, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Dear Michelle,
    I am so sorry for your loss. I have been thinking of you lately, wondering how you have been. It sometimes gets very difficult to visit everyone. You and your loved ones will be in my prayers during this very difficult time. I hope this message finds you well, and I do hope to hear from you soon. Please keep smiling and forging on, and remember you have many friends who are thinking of you and are praying that you get this through this difficult process.
    With all my love, your friend, Catherine. Blessings dear one. xoxoxo

  • Marnie February 20, 2013 at 6:02 pm

    Thinking of you today. ((hugs))

  • Marnie October 1, 2013 at 6:24 pm

    Thinking of you today. ((Hugs))

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